DRESSED! I swear that some mornings it is a freaking miracle that I can get them fed, dressed, brushed, combed, washed, backpacked, shoed, and out the door. Most days my languge is affirming (e.g. "please get your shoes on", "have a good day")... most days.
Friday night I had a special time with my 5 year-old at a father-daughter dance held by her school. It was way cool to go on a “date” with my little girl. I dressed up, she dressed. We had punch and cookies. She had a little red punchtache. Many thoughts ran through my head during the dance…
Little girls love to dance with other little girls.
Little girls love to dance with their daddies.
Not all daddies love to dance--or are they very good at it for that matter. I saw a few moves that reminded me of 8th grade.
Someday she will get dressed up for her first real date. On that future day, she will be absolutely gorgeous, making my heart skip a beat.
It was wonderful to see a room full of dads dancing with their daughters--sheer magic.
After 45 minutes of dancing, my little one was ready to call it a night (she was tired… pronounced without the “r” of course). I was just getting warmed up.
Guilt is part of my struggle of being a stay-at-home dad. Am I may doing the best for the kids? Sometimes I think that my wife could do a much better job with the at-home duties. For one, She is an amazing person—kind and gentle. Maybe she should be home with the kids. Not that men can’t be good primary caregivers, I believe they can, but my wife is great at being a mommy. She did do it wonderfully for 5 years, while I worked full-time. And since I fell into being an at-home dad (“fell” meaning it wasn’t part of our plan), maybe I’m not the right person for the role. I also get frustrated and shot-tempered at times (my wife assures me that that she had many days and moments like that too).
So now it is my turn to be home as we share the wealth a bit. And ultimately, I truly believe it is a privilege to be home with my children—something I know I will not regret. In the history of humanity, a small percentage of men have experienced what I’m doing—that is kinda cool. Guilt, shilt—I need to get over those strange little voices in my head.
Recently I witnessed a burglary. When the policeman arrived he interviewed me and recorded my basic information on a form. He asked the usually stuff… name, address, phone number. When it came to occupation, I said “stay-at-home dad”. The officer hesitated and then put a line through the “occupation box”. I was a bit put off by that. I wonder, when he interviews a women does he do the same? Does he put “homemaker” or “at-home mom”? Or does she get the line through the box as well. I’m guessing she gets “homemaker”. I don’t think of myself as a homemaker because that is such a “feminine” title. In reality, it is what I am. But even I resist that title because of my own culturization. I guess the same way the title of “nurse” was, at one time, strange to refer to men--thus we always want to add “male” to clarify. So, I don’t really blame the officer in giving me the line through that box. I understand it. Society isn’t always sure what to do with men who stay home with the kidos--we don't fit into the established boxes.
Few things create panic in the heart of a parent like a two year-old holding a raw egg (I've got to put those things on the top self of the fridge).
“Hey Daddy, you know what… fish are never thirsty.”
Gosh, I never thought about that before… but he did.
I’ve been doing the stay-at-home dad thing for a year and a half now. I may be getting the hang of it or I may be entrenched in a good case of denial. All in all I’m glad I’m taking care of the kids fulltime.
Here are some of the good things about being a “house husband”…
1. No more guilt about not being with the kids enough. I’m with them more than enough now and I’m catching many moments I do and will cherish.
2. I think I’m more relaxed (ask my wife about truth on this one). When I was working fulltime (out of the home) I experienced lots of worry. I’m sleeping much better now.
3. I get to hangout with one of the cutest 2 year-olds in the world.
4. Unlimited ESPN.
5. Spending my wife’s paycheck.
6. One word… Oprah!
Some bad things…
1. Isolation and loneliness.
2. No alone time.
3. Never feeling caught up with my domestic duties.
4. Loss of “work identity”.
5. Cultural pressures that make me feel “unemployed”.
6. Not providing income for my family.
We survived Christmas. This picture is a sample of the Christmas mayhem we endured. The school break has been good and restful but I look forward to having a normal schedule again. I do enjoy having a routine with the kids. It's offical, I'm boring.
The anticipation for Christmas is at a fevered pitch. The kids are shaking and analyzing presents. I was greeted first thing this morning with a “Today in Christmas Eve and tomorrow is Christmas! Can we open presents?” They are negotiating but I will stay strong (our tradition is they get to open one present on Xmas Eve). I know Christmas is about celebrating the birth of Christ but for 5 or 7 year-olds, no matter how much we have down played the presents and the Santa thing, it is about those mysterious wrapped boxes (the baby Jesus is a side plot).
Our two year-old is not the most verbal kid in the world. He has two older siblings to do most of the talking for him. I’d say he is on track but in no hurry. He has interesting names for his brother and sister. His name for Carson is “Dar Dar” and Maddie comes out “Maa Maa”. He thinks his name is “Me” or “Baby”. Third and final kids get to be the “baby” longer than the others. And they do think it is all about “me” (or themselves)—and it usually is.
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